How To Move On From Friends

Friendships don't always last forever. I talked about the 10 Signs Your Friendship is Fading,  but what happens after it's faded? How do you move on? You used to do everything with someone and they were part of your schedule, what do you fill it with? Maybe your situation isn't that deep and the 'friend' you want to move on from is and was not your best friend. You may just have a friend you don't want to be around anymore but you don't know how to take that first step. Detaching yourself from people you know is not always easy but sometimes it is necessary. Let's go through the steps together.

Make a Pros and Cons List

I'm sure you are all familiar with a 'pros and Cons List' right?

1. Take a paper and draw a vertical line down the middle.
2. Write the heading on one side 'Pros' and the other side 'Cons'.
3. On the Pros side of the page, think of all the good things about the relationship/person and list them.
4. On the Cons side, think of all the bad things about the relationship/person and list them.
5. Make sure you aren't being biased because of your current emotions.
6. See which has more and if the pros side has more, It means that the person is mostly good and you should not ditch them
buuuut if the Cons side is more, it's probably time to start moving on.


Some don't believe these help, some say they're great and I say they can be helpful at times like these ones.  Before being haste, you have to make sure you are not letting goof someone valuable in your life because of a fight or minor rough patch. Making a pros and cons list puts the person you're thinking about leaving into full perspective. You will be able to weigh the odds and see if the change is actually needed or not.

Understand Why

If you're at this second step, it means that the person/relationship had more Cons (bad things) about them/it and you need to pursue the steps towards change.You need to be clear with yourself about "Why" you are detaching from this person. Write it down or even talk to yourself (or a teddy) to make sure you know why you are moving on from this friend. This helps you to go forward without any doubts or second-guessing. It also prepares you for the case of a confrontation from that friend, you will be clear thus confident about why you don't want to be their friend anymore. Ask yourself questions you feel they or anyone else might ask, then answer them. Once you feel like your emotions and reasons are clear to you, you will be more prepared.

Prepare Yourself

Don't let the aftermath of your change take you by surprise, be prepared for the change you're making. For example:
 If you used to walk to school with this friend every day, make peace with walking alone or find some other person to accompany you beforehand.
 If you lunch with this friend at work breaks/school break, find another place to eat beforehand. 
Basically: Fill their vacancy to the very last detail so you won't second guess yourself, or be ambushed by all the change. Also, if this friend is prone to certain behaviors e.g. temper, gossip...etc prepare yourself for their worst, and know that you can't  keep being their friend in fear of it. After all, they're just a person like you.

Distance Yourself

Even landlords provide you with an eviction notice, and this is yours to that friend. Though it may hurt them to see you distancing yourself, it is better than a sudden end to a friendship with no indication. Depending on the situation, some friendship break-ups are allowed to be instant in the cases like: Gossiping friend, toxic friend, thief friend...etc. But if your friends only crime is that you two aren't vibing anymore and argue like a complicated couple, it may be fair to give them a little sign with distancing yourself before completely letting go.

If Needed, Confront them

I emphasize on "If needed". Not all friendship break-ups need confrontation, sometimes the explanation is in the air and saying it out loud only makes noise. Some things are better left unsaid but there are some cases when a confrontation and closure is healthy. It may be a best friend who has been gossiping about you and you want to let them know you know, that's why you don't want them in your life anymore. It may be a friend with a habit of putting you down, you have told them it bothers you and they have continued and you want to let them know that they won't be bothering you anymore. At times confrontation is needed, but avoid any unnecessary drama by all means.

Don't Let Yourself Be Pulled Back

Just like a romantic relationship, some friends have a way of always trying to pull back what they have taken for granted or hurt, only to do the same thing again. You can forgive them (Read on Why Should You Forgive) but that does not mean that they get to come back into the front row of your life. Accept apologies but do not accept invites back to the hole you have just dug yourself out of.

Spend Some Quality Time With You :)

Be your own best friend for a change. Why not? Your joy of the present should not be solely based on which friend is around, be your own friend and enjoy things around you with yourself. People are often scared to be seen on their own or do things on their own, running away from that irritating label "lonely", but you cannot constantly live by the opinions of others and think you are actually living. Go to a park and take a walk on your own, go to a movie on your own, how about a table for one?. Letting yourself be your own best friend will make you a better friend to others too.

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