Whether it is from a mental or emotional breakdown, an ended relationship, a bad friendship, a lousy job or maybe the wound you’ve been avoiding that has been recently getting you down, recovery is necessary.
Everyone owes themselves the time and effort to pick
themselves up again and refresh their life view but the question is how? New habits.
Yes, habits are more powerful than you realize. Let me enlighten you on this truth:
- The habit of drinking water every morning can improve your health and energy thus helps make you more productive in that time frame.
- The habit of deleting useless emails keeps your email from being full of junk and thus easier to navigate.
- The habit of buying fast food can be horrendous to your health and put a hole in your bank account overtime.
In short: Habits can
either make or break you; they have a way of picking you up or helping seal
your decline and that is why they are the cornerstone to your recovery.
I had a moment of recovery 3 years ago. I had taken some
blows to my confidence and had just decided to get out of toxic friendships
with people I had to still see on a daily basis. Though I could not change my
surroundings but I could change myself and the reality I chose to see them through
and live in. I felt I needed to find myself again and so something had to give,
I had to change. So I subconsciously started practicing habits that I now look
back on and found they were so defining for me that I had to share them. Some
may sound a bit weird but hey, if they helped me I hope they can help you.
1. Only Listened to Music with Purpose
I used to love a good bubblegum song once in a while but in
my recovery I avoided all songs about shaking my body, petty situations and
catchy tunes. I needed to listen to music that I really
felt. I made a playlist of songs I felt where positive with the following
criteria
Songs I could relate to
Songs that encouraged me
Songs without curse words or explicit descriptions
Songs that made me think of where I want to be in life
Songs that related to what I was doing or going through
In this process you’ll realize songs you have that you
hardly listen to but have kept in your phone because other people making them like
cool sneakers everyone’s talking about but that you don’t even like or even.
Get rid of those songs. Your playlist is designed for your music, it isn’t storage unit for everyone else so let you songs be of your taste. I started
listening to these songs with purpose and I felt like I knew myself a bit
better (even though I thought I already did). I encourage you to do this music
purge for just a week or two (no cheating). I’m sure you’ll encounter a
positive change.
In any case, ‘You are what you listen to’ is a fact. Music
has a way of influencing you and giving away as much as your eyes about who you
are.
2. Keep a Journal
No one can ever outgrow writing in a journal. The most
influential people actually keep journals and this is because it is important
to know how to express yourself to yourself and to keep track of your emotional
health, life and evolution. Keeping a journal is therapeutic and it allows you
to give everything you feel a voice that no one can misunderstand, judge or
leak (unless you leave your journal in plain sight). It’s comforting knowing
that you have a place to pour out your emotions and let yourself come to terms
with everything. I like looking back at the journals I’ve kept because It
reminds me of how much growing I’ve done and how much I have evolved.
3. Pray
I have discovered a profound power in prayer and connecting
with the Divine God. The honest moment of just praying to God and knowing you
are in the presence of the God who can help you, heal you, guide you, knows you
and loves you is the most overwhelmingly amazing feeling. Now, I’m not an
expert in praying but I do pray from the heart and when I cannot find the words
I ask God to give them to me or I sit in silence. I feel it is important for
every human to connect with their spiritual side because we are also made of
spirit. I feel it keeps me grounded, guides me, encourages me and changes
things. Prayer is a constant reminder that you are not alone and that God is in
control of situations that seem out of control. Having that knowledge just
gives me drive and a place to go to. Prayer is powerful.
4. Read (with love)
Whether you are a bookworm or you only read the headlines on
newspapers, reading is something that you should add into your daily life.
Reading is not only mental nourishment, it is also a therapeutic: letting
yourself explore a world and reality outside of your own really has many benefits
including; expanding creativity, making you more fluent in the language of the
book, improving your vocabulary and making you more knowledgeable. Reading is
almost like hitting a ‘pause’ on your life.
Reading is a really good thing for recovery because we find
characters that relate to our situations and indirectly give us comfort, coping
mechanisms and let us know we are not cornered or alone. We also find characters
and stories to learn from that are not always obvious but they are there
nonetheless.
So reading is a definite yes, novels, fiction, non-fiction,
whatever genre or book.
Some people call them “Aha!”
moments and others call them epiphanies. I’m talking about those moments of
wisdom or realization you have on a day to day basis. It feels something like
that good idea you have while you’re showering or those things you realize when
you’re up at night.
People come up with the most
insightful ideas, thoughts and realizations and usually forget them just as
fast. Not scribbling these things down is like going to a beach, seeing a
beautiful diamond, admiring it then walking away without picking it up when one
day you’ll need it. That’s why I say WRITE IT DOWN. Whether in a notebook or on
the memo app in your phone, write it down because your present wisdom will be
helpful to you in the future.
Recovery is a critical time for
people because it is when they are realizing a lot of things and having
resolution with situations and feelings which makes it the best time to take
note of your thoughts. Wisdom has a way of coming in through the door of pain
and hurt so it is important to note these things. Sometime I like to write
these down in the form of quotes and I’ve found this really helpful because
when life tried to drag me down, I used the words of wisdom I’d written to hold
myself up and remind myself of things I needed to remember.
6.Stop explaining yourself
Picking up form the point above, this is one quote I wrote:
” Stop living like you are on a hall pass and you have to
explain to everyone why you aren’t in the classroom their used to seeing you in“
Some people have a habit of always feeling like they have to
inform everyone about the changes they are making as if they need peoples'
permission slips to live their lives, and it actually is a way of
subconsciously asking someone
permission. I understand that there are some changes you make that require you
to explain to people who will be affected but it is not necessary to recite
your reasons to everyone even when they haven’t asked. When we decide to change something in our
lives, people may ask, “Why?”. This isn’t always an ill-minded question because
some are curious, others are affected by your change and others just want to
know. Having said that, there are people who always want you to feel awkward about
being anyone else than who they know you to be thus crippling the change you
try to make and mutating your personal growth. Others will always see the worst
in your actions and explaining to either of these people why you are doing A, B
or C it just so exhausting and really does do something to your sense of self, self-respect
and independence.
I understand that at times one might feel like people will
misinterpret their actions or reason for change and thus you have to explain
and that is not always necessary and it can really make you feel caged and
owned in a way.
Dropping that feeling of obligation where it is not due is
like dropping a chain. Do you, No explanations.
7.Pursue The Change You Want
There is such a joy and initialing change you’ve been
craving. It really gives your confidence a major boost and makes you feel more
in control of how you are living your life. Make a list of all the things you’d
like to change and all the things you’ve been putting off to do. List them and
put a check box next to each. If it is a long-term change then make stepping
stones required to achieve it e.g.
Change: I want to
lose 8 kg
Stepping stones: Eat healthier, exercise every second day
After that, you go online and find healthy recipes, healthy
food to buy and healthy habits as well as exercise routines and videos you can
follow on YouTube.
Feeling stuck can come from not to creating the change you
want. By starting that road of recovery you have to invite and actively
initiate the change you want in yourself and your life.
8.Learn to say "No"
No is the most liberating word sometimes. Because we care
for people or respect the fact that someone is a fellow human, we often find it
hard to say no to the things we can’t do. Not being able to say no can make
life really frustrating. Scenario: your friends are always going out at night but
you have to study for a test. They ask you if you can come and you try tell
them, “well, I have this test…” but they then convince you and you end up
agreeing but not because you’re convinced but it’s actually just because you don’t want to say ‘No’ …fast forward; the test
comes and you flunk all because you didn’t just say NO. NO is not a swear word,
it is a right. Now I’m not saying turn into a stingy person or a ‘Debbie Downer’
but a NO when it’s due can really set you free. Not refusing when we really
can’t is like living on treadmills sponsored by others. Putting your foot down may
feel scary and you may get backlash from people (who reveal selfish characters
you did not know they had) but it is worth it. If you can’t make it, don’t have
time, are tired or just don’t want to…say No. (Politely but with little or no
apologies)
9.Forget about how you look like
This basically means stop trying to seem like anything to
anyone, stop pretending to be A,B or C to look happy, rich or whatever. Just
stop. Don’t hurt yourself by living like you are on an imaginary stage always
required to perform. I don’t mean that you should wear a long face to show
everyone that you’re not feeling happy today but I’m saying that you should not
be so haunted my the thought of what others think of you, how you look doing X
and just let people think what they think because no matter how you act you
don’t have the ability to reach into the minds of others and control their
opinions so let it go. Their opinion doesn’t define you anyways. If you’re
feeling happy, let your happiness show naturally and don’t go about gloating
and trying to show off how wide you can smile because you want everyone to know
and see that you happy. In short, let yourself be natural. Smile if you feel
like it, laugh loud if it’s in you, don’t if you don’t feel like it. Post if
you want to but always make sure you are doing things to express and not to impress.
Forget about Seeming and start just Being.
10.Forgive
Forgiving is one of the most important things ever. We all
have something to forgive and we all need forgiving so it’s safe to say that
forgiving is as necessary as oxygen. I talked about the importance of forgiving
in my previous post. Holding on to unforgiveness, grudges and bitter feelings
is like giving the past a leash to us in the present; it really hinders you,
controls you and make us feel trapped without knowing it. Until we forgive we
cannot move on and life is all about moving on and moving forward. Letting go
and making peace with your past takes away its power and gives it back to you.
It is necessary to forgive if you want to recover; it is a un-skip able step.
11.Act with intention
Basically this means have and know your reason for doing
things. Example: I pick up a book, so I ask myself why I’m picking up the book
‘to put it on the table’ why am I putting it on the table ‘to make the place
look cleaner’. This may seem silly but It made me feel like everything I was
doing was done with purpose and helped me avoid looking at my actions from
other peoples perspectives and just doing
them because I knew my reasons.
12. Plan your Days
You do not have to be super organized to plan your day but
you may think, “What is there to pan? I have work/school then I get home.”
There is so much that happens in that day, it’s made of categories, subcategories,
events and moments. Yes, you go to work or school but what happened before
that? Answer: your morning events that you could have planned out. Here are examples
of some plans:
Pray/Mediate 3 minutes/Make a gratitude list/Drink 700 ml
water/ brush teeth and shower/Dress up/Affirmations in front of mirror/Go.
And there lunchtime too: where will you get lunch? Did you
make lunch? Where will you eat it and who with? Do you prefer to get out of the
office at lunch?
Or you get to school earl. What do you do? Hang out with
friends/ finish up that homework you forgot/ study up on the upcoming test/.
Planning out your day leaves less time for you to be idle or
feel bored plus you get things done.
This doesn’t mean become a robot but it is a secure feeling
of stability knowing that you know what you will do.
13. Take Walks Alone
Need a break from life? Go take a walk. There is something refreshing
about nature that you don’t have to be a hippy to feel. There is also something
so inspiring about being in solitude for a moment and not being afraid of your
silence but instead letting yourself spend time with yourself. The trees don’t
judge and the flowers don’t discriminate. Make a date with yourself once or
twice a day or week to take a slow paced walk with you. You can do this in the
morning, in the afternoon, during your lunch break, in the evening…I don’t
recommend night. Overall, it will really recharge and connect you with
yourself.
14. Be Grateful
"Being thankful for all you are and all you have will change your life."
Now this really changed my life. You may have heard of the
power of gratitude and such-and-such. It is true. Being in a state of gratitude
helped me to see things not only positively but with clarity. It also made me
less prone to feeling down because I suddenly became hard to offend (to the
disappointment of my then haters). I was like have an extra wall of security
over my mind and heart. How do I express gratitude? Say thank you with depth:
1. Think how you would be without something, someone, and someone’s help 2.
Think of how good it is that you have that thing, person or help 3. Say thank
you (I prefer to say it 3 times in my mind too) 4. Feel the joy and freedom of
gratitude flow within you.
Waking up thankful for a new day, life, food and just about
anything opens your eyes to the brilliance of your life and opens the door to
more. This is important to do in self recovery because when we have been hurt,
we tend to fester bitter feelings that can make us ignorant to our blessings
and sometimes even ungrateful. Practicing gratitude puts you in a position to
claim your joy back and recover your happiness.
15. Tune in to your talents and Express yourself
The process of getting up can be a
very inspiring time unbeknownst to many. This is the best time to make music,
write stories, pen down some poems, knit some fabric, sculpt some sculptors,
paint pictures, draw and illustrate and just do just about everything to
nourish and grow with your talents and skills. The deepest emotions and most
honest works emerge and you get to know or discover your skills, talents and
passions on a more intimate level.
Notes...
I challenge you to take up these habits and watch the change
in your life. I would love to know if this note from my life helped you.
If this article was helpful, please like and share 💬💕👄Comment and Let us know what you think??
If this article was helpful, please like and share 💬💕👄Comment and Let us know what you think??
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